HOW DID I GET SAND IN THERE?!
DUMP EM!
What’s up bro? Are you having a fucking sick time? Did you see that hot slut over there? What about the cottage cheese whale over there? FUCKED EM BOTH, YEAH I DID! What? WHAT? Dude I can’t hear you over all the dubstep! Tone it down a notch? Do you know who I fucking am, bro?
IT’S ME, PCB, BABY!
Dude I got so fucking hammered last night…. HAHA I’m fucking kidding, I’m still hammered. And I ain’t sobering up for shiiiiit. Yo can you hold on a second? I’ve gotta photobomb that group pic over there real quick.
THREW UP THE SHOCKER, YOU ALREADY KNOW!
Dude so tonight I was thinking pregame aka finish off the 30-rack I bought an hour ago and then let’s roll to La Vela? I know a guy who knows a guy who heard of someone that had a threesome on one of the beds there. Help me pick out which TapOut shirt to wear.
RACK CITY BITCH.
I don’t know why I just said that.
Let’s go talk to that group of girls over there. Do you think they can tell I went tanning (shh don’t tell anyone) and spent a month in the gym drinking nothing but Muscle Milk just as easily as I can tell they spent a week in the gym eating nothing but carrots dipped in Energy Vitamin Water? God I hope so.
Hey ladies! Having a good time? Where are you all from? Ohio University? I heard they never party there! Hahajustkidding so when are you gonna show me your tits? Hahajustkidding but no really I know you’re wasted you might as well just get it over with. Only if your Big does it too? ‘Oh it’s Spring Break why not’? THAT’S THE SPIRIT. Don’t worry, I still respect you.
Oh sure, I’d love to take a picture of you all jumping. Everyone ready? Hold hands!
1-2-3-JUMP!
Wait sorry, the DUFF on the far right got like half an inch of air, try again.
1-2-3-JUMP!
Girl in the middle might wanna put her Corona down. We get it, you’re a party animal.
1-2-3-JUMP!
Decent, let’s try one more for good luck.
1-2-3-JUMP!
Perfect. You’ll realize later that I just took four consecutive zoomed-in pictures of the brunette’s boob that conveniently popped out. Untag!
Do you girls like Luke Bryan? Heard he’s playing a show later, we should all meet up there! I hope Avicii makes a surprise appearance and remixes “Rain is a Good Thing,” wouldn’t that be awesome? Here, let me get one of your numbers aka hot blonde girl with the better body than everyone else who will conveniently find herself in my bed tonight. Peace!
Dude is the week over already? I barely remember anything but I’m pretty sure I had a fucking bomb-ass time. Did we ever find Rob after that night at Harpoon Harry’s? And did you see Veronica win the ass-shaking contest? Definitely hitting her up when we get back to school. Did you ever get that huge shard of the Bud Light Lime bottle out of your foot? You should probably get that checked out, bro.
What’s that? No I totally raw-dogged that calling-her-a-4-would-be-generous from University of Kentucky, why? No, I asked, she was all clean. I ASKED bro, it’s fine. Why? Yeah it does kind of burn when I pee, so what? Nah that’s not Chlamydia, that’s the hot sensation of Spring Break, baby! We went fuckin’ HAM, dawg!
