People frequently ask me where my humor comes from, as if I randomly pull a witty comment out of a coin purse every time I’m feeling a little clever. Sure, I’m inspired by the offensive comedy of the likes of Chelsea Handler and Tucker Max, and the aggressively absurd style of Dave Barry always gets me going. Hell I’d even drop a Kevin Hart joke or two if I was the right race or gender, but that’s not the point. I find these people funny, but I’m not going to jack their style like those damn chickens did to Fergie – I’m better than that. To be completely honest, I don’t even find half the things I say all that humorous. I had a rando once ask, “Did you just come up with that?” after an especially quick one-liner, and it caught me completely off guard. Never one to instigate an awkward convo lull, a quip popped out to maintain the flow and all of a sudden I’m the Michael Jordan of hilarity all over again.
I’m starting this blog for this reason. My humor just comes. Not from any special place, not for any special reason, and definitely not for any special person. I say what I say and when people find it funny, it obviously makes me feel good, but it doesn’t make me. I’ll be posting about my random musings and pet peeves, awkward run-ins and eavesdroppings. I will definitely hurt your feelings because it’s a proven fact that I’m funniest when drunk, pissed off, or hyper, and since those three states of being comprise 99.9% of my life, you now have something to look forward to. I will also confuse the hell out of some of you because I’m under the personal impression that if you don’t understand a joke, it’s not because it wasn’t funny, it’s because you’re a dumbass. Finally, I can promise that every single thing I write will be a must-read, because I’m just that talented. Did I mention I’m really humble?