In any Disney movie, the characters cannot seem to walk around without some kind of cheerful flute tune or ominous cello music reflecting their current situation. I’m the first to admit that my mood fluctuates as often as Miley Cyrus’ role model status, and I think it’d just be easier for everyone I come in contact with if there was some tunage to indicate how I felt at one particular second or another. Enter The Soundtrack to Skylar’s Life:
When I get up in the morning: The first three minutes will be dedicated exclusively to Wham!’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” simply because it’s an upper and anything that distracts me from the fact that it’s 7:30 a.m. is a huge plus. As I get out of bed and get ready, it will switch to a montage of girl power songs like Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Women Part 1,” Christina Aguilera’s “Can’t Hold Us Down,” and Kelis’ “Milkshake.” I can now take on the day.
When I’m driving to my internship: Ludacris’ “Move Bitch,” because navigating through Downtown is a nightmare, and then the Speed Racer theme song because I’m perpetually late.
When I finish my work and the other slacker intern’s assignment all in one day: A back-to-back combo of Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best,” “It Ain’t Hard to Tell” by Nas, and obviously, “The World’s Greatest” by R. Kelly.
When I realize I won’t have time to go to the gym today and immediately decide to throw all calories out the window: Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.” And “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot. Then Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt.” Because I now feel like a fatass and realize I probably have some kind of seriously twisted relationship with food.
When I get a cute text from my boyfriend: “Sweet Pea” by Amos Lee because it’s just precious and so is he J.
When work calls and tells me they need me to come in half an hour early: “Hate My Life” by Theory of a Deadman. This needs no explanation.
When I’m helping a guy in the fitting room and his girlfriend is giving me the stink eye from across the store: Tila Tequila’s “Fuck Ya Man” to her, and to him, Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” minus the whole, “I should be your girlfriend” part because thanks but no thanks I’m not interested, I’m just trying to get you to buy a $120 pair of jeans and hopefully a belt.
When no one’s come into the store for an hour and a half and I’ve refolded the same pile of denim twice: Todd Rundgren’s “Bang on the Drum,” followed by Blue Oyster Cult’s “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” because I’m almost positive I’m going to die surrounded by peasant blouses and graphic tees.
When I meet my friends at a bar after work and they’re already breakin’ it down on the dance floor: Without question, “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” by Will Smith. Since I am not yet drunk but don’t want to miss out on the fun, I throw my self-consciousness to the wind and on comes Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance.” After a few whiskey and Cokes, Jamiroquai’s “Canned Heat,” Snoop Dogg’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot,” Kenny Loggins’ “Footloose,” and Irene Cara’s “What A Feeling” will ensure that the mental image I have of myself while dancing is vastly different from the actual display of awkwardness taking place.
When I get tired of people stepping on my feet and Fun Drunk Skylar turns hostile: Mystikal’s “Danger,” then “Awnaw” by Nappy Roots. This is not the time to mess with me.
When the cabbie drives completely out of the way because he realizes we’re too tipsy to notice: Supertramp’s “Take the Long Way Home.” When we arrive at our apartment and our fare tops out at $20 even though the usual ride costs only $8 but we’ve had such a fun night that no one really cares, the friend with cash hands it over while T.I.’s “Whatever You Like” plays
When I climb in bed only to realize that I have to be up again in four hours: Drake saying “Yolo” over and over and over and over and over and over and over…