I am a bad computer mommy.
To whom it may concern: I have not/will not/cannot be posting as much hilarious stuff for your reading pleasure in the next few weeks because Wanda, my laptop, has kicked the bucket.
This probably could've been prevented.
- When her battery started to go and she needed to be constantly plugged in, I simply scoped out every outlet in a 2-mile radius and kept on keeping on.
- When I incurred second-degree burns on my thighs while Facebooking in bed, I should've realized that her fan was working overtime and that she needed to see the IT doctor in order to fix her fever.
- When my speakers went silent and I could no longer blast Christina Aguilera Pandora at 100-level volume, I cheated on Wanda by getting my "Dirrty" fix through Nadine, my phone.
- When she warned me with a random shut-down, I let her have her space for about an hour, only to turn her on again and have her work for me like nothing happened. I am a slut (to be fair, so is she).
- When she died for good, she made sure I felt the error of my ways by doing so on the day that I had two huge interviews to conduct that required e-mail correspondence and audio transcription.
For all of this, I am deeply ashamed and inexplicably sorry.
So this is just a case of too little too late. I'm also broke as a joke and will probably sell my kidney, eggs, and blood plasma simultaneously in order to rack up some funds to buy a new Wanda. Of course, I'll pick a new name, because the memories will just be too painful.
R.I.P. Wanda H. Packard. You were a good piece of machinery. Thank you for never judging my lack of tech-savvy, ignoring the crumbs in the keyboard, and keeping just how often I actually YouTube scenes from "Best in Show" on the downlow.