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Monday, August 20, 2012

It's Me! The Picture You Didn't Share

I can't even look at you right now.

I told you your mom would die, Jesus would smite you, and that precious little girl with leukemia would also develop AIDS unless you "liked" or "shared" the picture, and you just kept scrolling down your newsfeed, not thinking twice about the damage you were doing. 

Do you know who I am? 
Do you know what I'm capable of?! 

You really think that those posts don't matter? I'm sure you remember the "Don't step on a crack or you'll break your mother's back" chant that everyone sang in elementary school as they walked down the sidewalk. Welcome to the modern adaptation. Obviously, by bypassing the post, you despise your mom, the woman who gave you LIFE and tolerated your bullshit when you were 13 and thought frosted pink LipSmackers were a good look. Now, everyone that is either overwhelmingly superstitious or isn't aware that such things appear on your newsfeed is considered a much better child than you will ever be, all because they clicked the thumbs up. 

You are also obviously completely ashamed of your love for Jesus. What's that? You're Buddhist? Fuck if I care, this is America, and as is the case with gay marriage and abortion laws, you are not allowed to think anything different without being chastised relentlessly. What's that smell you say? Sorry, I ate Chik-fil-A earlier. Waffle fries, nom. Anyway, all I'm saying is, you are going straight to hell and are now going to be known by all 1,100 of your best friends as a hethen. 

As if we all (including God) didn't hate you already, you really sealed your fate by bypassing the photo of sweet little Hannah, 7, suffering with leukemia. Every single "like" equals a dollar that could magically cure her, because THAT'S how charity works. Hannah is a fighter, and you are a weakling who doesn't have any compassion in their whole body. You volunteered with the Make a Wish Foundation last summer and spent an entire month in the youth cancer ward? Erroneous, because you didn't share Hannah's story. Asshole. 

You can try to explain yourself, but we've all judged you already (HARD) and have come to the firm conclusion that you're a self-centered, heartless loser. I will continue to bombard your Facebook with similar posts because my beliefs are superior to yours, and I insist on driving this point home one share at a time. Think long and hard about the life you're living, because it's clear that your lack of dedication to the online realm is leading you nowhere fast.

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