- If your hairstyle is classy, so is the sideboob
you’re unintentionally displaying. Own it.
- There is zero shame in going to the bar in yoga
pants, glasses, and a messy bun.
- The aforementioned 10-page paper will actually
be eight pages and some change but makes the cut thanks to size 14 periods and
size 13 commas.
- Skipping a week of school to road trip to Mardi
Gras is a rite of passage and should never be met with feelings of guilt or the
phrase “But I have a ten page paper due!”
-
Mixing the last bit of a bottle of whiskey and
the last bit of a bottle of vodka is called “creativity.”
- Doing something stupid after mixing whiskey and
vodka is called “learning a lesson.”
- You will get a dog. You will love the dog. The
dog will pee everywhere, chew everything, and cry constantly. You will no
longer love the dog.
- Forget what your mama says. A person can live off of Kraft singles, celery,
and fun size Snickers alone.
- Spending half your rent on a pillowtop mattress
pad and memory foam pillows is the best idea you will ever have in your life
period.
- If you had a project due on Monday, waiting
until Thursday and then shooting your professor an “I’ve been having technical
difficulties” e-mail undoes everything and is basically the same thing as
turning it in on time.
- The last three weeks of your college career are
officially sponsored by the phrases “I don’t even care anymore,” “Wanna go to
Tequila Tuesday?” and “I forget what motivation feels like.”
- When you’re studying in the library with
headphones on, people can still hear you humming along to Red Hot Chili
Peppers. It’s not that embarrassing.
- Not having finals and celebrating how you’re on
summer break two weeks earlier than everyone else is not making you any
friends.
- Realizing you have $70 left on your meal card
and you have to spend it by next Monday will make you a ton of friends, and
they all want Chik-fil-A waffle fries.
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