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Monday, April 1, 2013

April Fools' Day is No Laughing Matter

April Fools’ Day jokes are harmless.
April Fools’ Day jokes are fun.
April Fools’ Day jokes are…a tell-tale way to figure out how someone would react to a situation were it NOT a joke.

If your friend, family member, or significant other pulls one of these classic pranks on you, SUP, they’re not trying to trick you; they’re testing the waters to see how “okay” that situation would be on a normal day. Do not be duped!

Read below to find out if you’re being emotionally punk’d:

“Babe, I’m pregnant!” = “Babe, I’m late slash might actually be pregnant and if you start freaking out I’ll rope you into a baby daddy agreement so fast it’ll make your balls spin.”

“I think we should break up.” = “You’re boring and I’m kinda over this relationship, and if you feel the same way then this is cake. If not…haha kiddinggg but wait two weeks and this is actually for real.”

Replacing their pants with a size smaller so they think they’ve gained weight = “Keep eating those McFish Bites and this could be your future, Chubs. Your potential spare tire offends me.”

Re-calibrating the scale to read ten pounds less so they think they’ve lost weight = “HAHA yeah fucking right, I watched you eat like six orders of McFish Bites on Friday.”

“I think I saw your boyfriend/husband/wife/girlfriend making out with someone at Ibiza on Saturday.” = “And that someone was me.”

Whoopee Cushion on the chair = “BARRIER!”

“We’re getting engaged!” = “If he doesn’t pop the question soon I’m going to start having an affair with my personal trainer! I’ve also made my Wedding Pinterest board private because I’m embarrassed that those DIY dreams will never become a reality!”

Saran Wrap the toilet seat = “I hate you. I actually hate you so so much.”

Have you ever used an April Fools’ Joke to actually express some truth to someone? How did it go? Are you sitting at home alone right now reading this measly blog because of it? The internet is everyone’s friend, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Unrelated side note:  1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Hotline).

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