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Sunday, October 14, 2012

Thrust into the Real World: Month 5

I am proud to announce that I am typing this from my new laptop, Hilary.

No relation.
Like the second important woman in any person's life, Hilary is a downgrade. She was $700 cheaper than Wanda, is noticeably slower, and doesn't have the cool swirly designs around the keyboard that I could never decipher. We haven't talked about it yet, but I'm sure she has daddy issues up the wazoo and will probably divulge said issues after a night of tequila shots. I'm psyched.

Luckily, I'm not a judger (I'M REALLY NOT!) and I love Hilary for everything she is and more.

With Hilary, I finally have an excuse to go to the library even though I've graduated, because my love/hate relationship with that place turned to full-on adoration when I rehydrated my shriveled eyeballs after my last all-nighter. Also, despite several failed attempts, I have not figured out how to hack into my neighbors' WiFi accounts, so in the spirit of being a cheap bastard I make the 20-minute trek to campus and get bonus points from my tuition.

One of the most awesome changes that I noticed right away from Hilary was the fact that she maintains battery life. Like right now, she's unplugged, and unlike Wanda the Drama Queen, she keeps on truckin like nothing's wrong. This is the way it should be. Not having to rib-check those who are blocking my access to a free electrical outlet? Am I in Heaven?! She is also not causing third degree burns on my thighs, which I just think is totally sweet.

Finally, Hilary serves a professional purpose. My resume and all other "Help Me Get a Job" documents were saved on Wanda. I'm an idiot, so saving them to something like a thumb drive didn't occur to me (note to future employers: JK IT TOTALLY OCCURRED TO ME I'm responsible and career-driven...). Hold on to your hats, but in this fabulous economy and thriving job market, you somehow can't move forward without a resume. Bumsies. I practically kissed Hilary on the mouth (speaker?) upon purchasing because this meant I could finally amp up my little brag sheet with all of the things I've been up to the past few months, aka people will like me and hire me and I can finally be back on the east coast where I won't get shanked for admitting, "I've never had Skyline before."

Long story short, I'm back in business, and bigger and better things are just around the corner! (Ya hear that, Abraham_Linksys?? Just give me your password and I could roll-bounce! Be a friend to make a friend, dude.)

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