Vote or Die

It’s Election Day.

 

This used to mean exercising your rights and making your voice heard at the polls.

Now, it means sitting at your computer and ranting about your well-rounded, fully-informed opinions via Facebook. And probably not voting but definitely letting everyone know that “If so-and-so wins, I’m moving to Canada.”

 

I don’t post my political beliefs on Facebook for two reasons:

#1 I don’t believe it’s my place to shove my views down everyone’s throats.

#2 That’s what my blog is for. Teehee.

 

I would like to take this time to have a one-sided discussion with some of the Facebook statuses appearing on my newsfeed, because I figure if someone can disparage the issues that I believe to be most important to this country, I should do the same to their ego. Vote Skylar 2012.

 

“Well Obama...It's been fun. Oh wait...No it hasn't.”

You are a frat star who wears $200 sunglasses and went to a private Catholic high school; I really doubt that any of Obama’s policies over the last four years have affected you all that dramatically.

 

“Cliché something or another about how you should vote! But, really, you should!”

This is completely unrelated to the election, but I really hate when people think posting statuses like this is funny. It’s not. It’s not ever funny. Next time, don’t. I appreciate your unbiased approach though.

 

“Super excited to vote for the 1st time! I just wish George Bush was on the ballot!”

You should be very embarrassed and might consider waiting another four years. Also, I'm pretty sure you only feel this way because your boyfriend votes Republican.

 

“Here's to endless war and warrantless wiretapping and the destruction of individual rights.”

Very subtle. Granted, this isn’t entirely accurate in terms Romney’s true goals for the presidency, but at least you got the gist of it and subsequently started a Facebook status argument. Those are my crack.

 

“I'm predicting Obama will take an early lead tomorrow... Until all the Republicans get off work. #RomneyRyan2012”

This was clever the first time I saw it. Then everyone started slapping it up on the interweb as if their cunning ass came up with it all by themselves. Then I got hostile, because I hate copycats.

 

“I’m voting for Regina George, because she got hit by a bus.”

“I’m voting for Cady Heron, because she pushed her.”

Mean Girls quotes are overdone, but your timing on this was excellent. Touché.

 

Whether you’re an elephant or a donkey, or one of the other political positions that sorryI’mnotsorry will probably never win an election, get out there and do your thing. If you’re not informed about the issues, that’s why God invented Google. If you’re actively choosing not to exercise your right, it’s safe to assume that your founding fathers are not Washington, Jefferson, and Franklin, but Mike D, MCA, and Ad-Rock…and that you won’t understand that joke for at least another three days.  USA! USA! USA!