Gotcha Bitch: Matthew McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey is one slick bastard.
The man is essentially doing what I have desired my whole life to achieve: do whatever the eff you want, don’t change for nothin’, and make cash mahney while doing it.

Technically, we could call him an actor. In reality, however, we all know that McConaughey most likely shows up to the set, reads over the script, says, “Yeah, I’m gonna say whatever comes to mind, actually,” and then goes and smokes weed in his trailer for three hours. I really don’t think we can call what he does “acting” simply because he isn’t.
He’s being himself.
In every single movie.
Seriously, every time.
Observe:

Failure to Launch: Plays a 35-year-old man-child who lives with his parents, has commitment issues, and is friends with Justin Bartha who is always type-cast as the goofy sarcastic friend. Has a chill playboy attitude, wears expensive-looking clothes, drives a sports car, and a cute twangy southern accent. Leaning against his love interest in the movie poster.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: Plays a 30-something ad executive who has commitment issues and is friends with Adam Goldberg and Thomas Lennon, his goofy, sarcastic friends. Has a chill playboy attitude, wears expensive-looking clothes, and rides a motorcycle. Has a cute twangy southern accent even though the movie is set in NYC and his family is supposed to originally be from Staten Island. Leaning against his love interest in the movie poster.  

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past: Plays a 30-something fashion photographer who likes to hit it and quit it (thus having commitment issues), and is brothers with Breckin Meyer, who typically plays the sarcastic, down-to-earth, half-funny character. Has a chill playboy attitude, wears a suit pretty much throughout the entire movie, drives a sports car AND ghosts around with a pimped out Michael Douglas. Still has the twangy southern accent even though the movie is set in Massachusetts, which is unfortunate because with those looks and a Bahston accent I would practically lose my mind. Leaning against his love interest in the movie poster.

The Wedding Planner: Plays a 30-something doctor who is getting married (!) but is easily seduced by Jennifer Lopez. Justin Chambers is funny I guess (?). Is actually pretty nice and tries to be dedicated to his hot blonde fiancé but “settles” for a super-hot Latina…all while driving a nice car. Has a twangy southern accent in the country-bumpkin town of San Francisco, CA. Standing behind his love interest in the movie poster (?!).

Dazed and Confused: Plays a 20-year-old who looks like a 30-something-year-old man. Likes younger, high school girls, which is fine because no one should believe in commitment when they’re 20 and/or live in the 70’s. Surrounds himself with goofy, sarcastic, stoned friends, as well as Adam Goldberg. Drives a 1970 Chevy Chevelle Super Sport and wears a Ted Nugent t-shirt. Has a twangy southern accent because OH MY GOD the movie is set in Texas. Doesn’t lean on anyone but is definitely L-I-V-I-N.