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Wednesday, July 3, 2013

The Instagreement

I got an Instagram this week. I’m still in the pre-obsession stages where I don’t quite insta-understand what’s going on and am somewhat bored with it, but social media experience has taught me that this soon will pass and I’ll be insta-possessed by the Amaro filter in due time.

I’d like to make an insta-promise to you all that I will be the least-obnoxious Instagram user this world has ever known. I have outlined this pledge below with the seven things I will refrain from insta-doing.

1.       I will not take more than one selfie a month – If that. I’m uncomfortable taking pictures of myself as it is slash don’t understand people (girls) who feel the need to on an hourly basis, so this will be pretty easy to stick to. I’ll only stray from this rule if I happen to make several life changes in a row, like dying my hair Rihanna Red and moving into a swanky new apartment (all on the list, b t dubs).

2.       I will never use to the hashtag #followme – Because I really don’t care. Granted, you would be doing yourself a major service by following me—on both Instagram (snkorb) and Twitter (SkylarKorby)—because I’m phenomenally entertaining and mildly offensive, but if that’s not your cup of tea there’s not much I can do. I’m just sorry you hate happiness.

3.       I will try to keep the food pics to a minimum – This rule will only be broken if A) I’ve baked a true masterpiece that I’ll never be able to replicate and thus must spread around as proof of my skills; B) Something looks disgusting and since I’m a 13-year-old boy I feel the need to share it; and C) Jesus appears in the nooks and crannies of my English muffin.

Rocky Road Cookies. Oh yes I did.

4.       I won’t post #TransformationTuesday’s about my exercise progress – Unnecessary. Some of us never gained the Freshman 15/Senior 60. Heyoooooo.

5.       I will not take pictures of my legs at the pool/lake/beach – I have really freckly knees and short shins, this isn’t so much an “it’s weird when girls do this” thing as it is an “I don’t want to field questions about my probable status as a little person” thing.

...it was ONE TIME
6.       I will never miss a #ThrowbackThursday – This past week’s was a gem, why would I deny everyone the pleasure? I have no shame, and minus ages 13-17 I was actually a pretty cute kid.

7.       I will never post screen shots of text convos – Not because I don’t want to, but because I legitimately can’t. Damnit Droid, get your shit together.
EDIT: I just learned how! Let's do this thang.

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