Untweetable

I’ve noticed a recent increase in the amount of people that tweet something along the lines of, “UGH the things I wish I could tweet sometimes.” Naturally I've been a little confused, because I don’t have a filter so the concept of self-editing is completely lost on me. I was positive that I had never not tweeted something, and decided to check out my Twitter Drafts to see if this was true.

 

IT WAS NOT.

 

Apparently, from about last March until now, a ton of my 140-characters have gone by the wayside, either due to poor WiFi connection, poor alcohol management, or Poor Skylar Syndrome in which I would type something depressing out that I had no intention of actually tweeting and then forget to delete it. I considered omitting those that fall into the latter category, but what fun is that? Please laugh at my shortcomings, I beg you.

 

 

If you don’t follow me on Twitter, and you see the tweets below that didn’t make the cut, you can only imagine what you’re missing out on. @SkylarKorby, get at me.

 

The people who say “I don’t think I say this enough” followed by how blessed they are are usually the ones who say it way too much. #congrats #nowstop

 

Fishin for the lawd. #HappyEaster

 

I have never been so happy .ad o am right now. Anthony kiedis love meee. #Rchp #bestshowever #amaxzing

 

We go together like lamb and tuna fish. #weird #love

 

My boy likes red lipstick but I can’t wear red lipstick because I like him so much that I’ll get red lipstick all over his face. #wwjd

 

“Back that bitch out into the water” is, apparently, not what @LBTmusic is singing. #couldafooledme #Pontoon

 

“Her lack of eyebrows used to terrify me. It seems as though she’s gotten that under control though so she can come.” --anonymous #theymatter

 

My only request is that I get to walk down the aisle to the chopped and screwed version of The Wedding March. #ghettoromance

 

The amount of respect I have for someone decreases by at least 70% when I hear that their ringtone is Cruise by @FLAGALine. #sawng #awful

Just got told I have a smile like The Joker. #Rude, but I’ll be damned if I don’t see the resemblance

 

Garden Vegetable @WheatThins, how do you do that voodoo that you do so well. #crack

Nohting says "I don't give a fuck" lke an obliteratted girl sitting outsid of the Granville crying & screaming "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" #wifethatup

#FYI after 3 a.m. all country music on the radio is heavily harmonized and very suicide-centric

 

Awkward hobby: Looking to see who everyone’s “best friends” are on #Snapchat. S/O to @TheMotoBenny, @ELSchum, and @jconks!

 

Vai a farti fottere una puttana

 

Today’s self-discovery: my scalp tingles when I’m upset. It’s like feeling your hair grow but minus the drugs. #trippy

You are cordially invited to go fuck yourself

 

#ParentalControl is still on the air? This knowledge would’ve saved me about 6 months of my life

Accepting @SkyDigg4 compliments by association because a lot of people told me I was pretty today and I’m trying to keep that momentum going

 

S/O to Fatty, Sideburns Lady, and the Mutants Over at Table 9. #lovestinks #yeahyeah

“Or maybe they break up cause she cheats on him with a 30 year old cook from the local red lobster.” –optimism by @ELSchum

 

I AIN’T NEVER SCARED. #exceptaroundwasps

 

In giving me directions, my dad just spent 3 mins emphasizing that the stop sign I’d encounter was NOT a yield sign. The mystery behind my awful driving skills is solved

 

Crying in my work parking lot because I hit a bird on the way here. He popped. #sorrybud

 

#YIKES

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